Question is: What are two things that mia likes to have one right after the other?

You know who I am in love with? Like, omfg in love with?

Kevin. Fucking. ROSE.

……. I KNOW.

(OBVIOUSLY he’s the hottie in the Dogster shirt. See! That means he’d love me! If he loves dogs, he’ll love me. BECAUSE I HAVE THREE DOGS OMFG! ITS LIKE GOD IS GIVING US HIS BLESSING!)

And you know who brought him up? CLINTUS MAFUCKING GINTUS! Ugh! Geek love begets geek love!

(shockingly, i originally typed “greek love”. and i’m down with that, too. but only with K.Rose. no one else gets in The Stink but him.)

Ever since the first time I saw him - Kevin, not Clintus - on SCREENSAVERS waaaay back on TechTV… That’s how loyal a K.Rose fan I am. I don’t just love him. I don’t just heart him.

I less than 3 him. My less-than-3 for him is so strong, it’s actually morphed into less than seven.

I was such a hardcore Kevin Fan that I even watched the first year or so of Diggnation and personal drama interfered with the plot to kidnap K.Rose and make him my monkey sex slave….

… not that I have monkeys that he can have sex with. That’s not what I meant. But you feel me, don’t you?

K.Rose is DEFINITELY my #1 geek love*. My geek foursome du jour?

- K. Rose
- Clintus
- Alex Albrecht**

And just how fucking awesome is it that my geek love knows my Geek Love???? That’s the Fates right there, bb. They’re watching and moving the chess pieces. One day, Kevin. Oh yes, one day you shall be in my bed wearing pink panties and sporting enough wood to make a porn star jealous.

Oh yes.

.

*my uberlove for his cohost, Alex Albrecht, is so stellar that it doesn’t even rank on a chart. Please don’t tell Kevin. I don’t want to crush his dreams.

**shhhhh. no werdz bb. no werdz.

WHY DOESN’T WORDPRESS EXPORT? WHY? I’VE TRIED THE REGULAR WAY AND I’VE TRIED THIS LINK http://technosailor.com/2006/07/05/wordpress-to-wordpress-import/ AND I’M SO PISSED OFF I CAN’T EVEN LINK THAT LINK FOR YOU - THAT’S HOW PISSED I AM

I JUST WANT TO EXPORT THIS BLOG TO THE NEW ONE

WHY WONT IT WORK

WHY IS EVERYTHING THIS FUCKING HARD WHY CAN’T SOMETHING JUST FUCKING WORK THE WAY IT FUCKING SHOULD

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

Life for The Mia has become increasingly… tiring. Very. What, with working 80 hours a week, sleeping 6 hours a day and doing household chores and trying to relax in the few hours left, I have… er… no time left. Simple things take forever because i attempt to accomplish them while groggy. I try to stay up until midnight to get some free time in, and then I bonk out and totally space. The next thing I know, two hours have passed, nothing’s been done and i should have been in bed an hour ago.

“My dad always said that there’s 24 usable hours in every day” is a quote from one of my favorite movies. But there honestly is NOT. Daytime has blurred with nighttime. Reality with internet. Confusion has set in and the inmates are restless. Half the time I don’t realize where i am or what I need to be doing. Obviously, this implies a psychiatric stay is called for. However, I am not the hospital time. No, we won’t be visiting any sanitariums anytime soon.

I tend to daydream a lot now. Almost what it was before I didn’t have a “real” job. I’m trying to channel it into writing, and what I have written is good, i think. But can always be better. Book? No. I’m too shy for that. But maybe a serial blog for it one day. Just not today.

New blog has been ready for quite some time, but a lot of DNS issues going on. steventylerpjs has flushed our server a few times in a vain attempt to get it copacetic. But no such luck. Oh well, that gives me more time to make sure it doesn’t fuck up. Besides, I’m having a helluva time trying to export the entries from here and import them there. Ive used a few tutorials but no dice. All I get is an empty XML page. And uh, starting a brand new blog at this point in my life is ricockulous. Eight years of blogging down the drain. Not that I’ve said anything rather vital by this point. But I don’t keep up anything for 8 days, much less 8 years.

I suppose it’s because I liken myself to be rather important, whereas I am exceedingly not. I am not a billionaire, a millionaire, a thousandaire and have only recently become a hundredaire. I am not exceptionally beautiful or quick-witted or helpful or kind or courteous. I’m not famous by any means, and when you get right down to it, I really have nothing to say except a bunch of words that say I have nothing to say. I lust for my life to be more exciting and adventurous, and the fact that this is occurring to me at the somewhat young age of 28 is disheartening. I’m not sure if this is my quarterlife crisis in action or if the QLC is just a great big fake Louis Vuitton that socialite wannabes carry around so they fit in with the status quo. “if there’s nothing wrong with me, i’m not cool! i’ll never be accepted! i’m important, too!”

No offense to any of my great big fake Louis Vuitton-carrying friends.

How does one convert one’s life from nonexistent to full and rich, bursting with more flavor than a grande half caf soy Mocha Caramel Machiatto, hold the foam?

That’s what I’m going to find out. Stay tuned.

While I’m waiting for this transfer to be complete, I’ll answer any question you ask. Seriously. Just ask.

Have you noticed that things come in waves?

I’ve noticed this. When I pick up a quarter on the street, I’ll end up getting a $20 rebate check from a cell phone I bought last year but the company somehow didn’t send it until now, a free book someone from work gave me turns out to be worth $200 on ebay, my boyfriend will drop a $50 in my account just because and I’ll end up getting a bonus at work.

Things come in waves.

I also have a “6 rule” that close friends are aware of. People I haven’t spoken to in ions will randomly come back into my life after a series of 6’s. 6 weeks, 6 months… doesn’t matter. Somehow, a 6 figures into it.

Currently? I’ve got BOTH going on - “6 rule” AND waves. Newly reintroduced: CFed (posted on the SIXteenth of September, 2000 and SIX), Longhorn (last spoke to him 18 months - or 3 6’s ago), Subby (six months and 1 year ago) and Weast (six months ago).

Looking over my archives to find their references, the best reference that stuck out?

cfed: If we had met I don’t think I’d feel this way or even suggest such a thing but since that’s not gonna happen for a long time…………
cfed: this would probably be the best thing wouldn’t you say?
mia: well since my email from last night was basically ending our “whatever you wanna call it”, then yes I’d say this is similar to what you’re suggesting.
cfed: That way you won’t want to kill me before you ever meet me.
mia: oh, don’t worry - a small space in my heart will always be reserved for wanting to kill you.

God. I’m so goddamn witty, it’s SICK.

Oh, and don’t worry. Nothing at ALL romantical or lusty loins about it. The 6 Rule is simply fact - it always happens. It’s sickening. Bleh.

Beeker, ilu.

I’m typing to you from a pink laptop. Pink for girls.

Why do I have a pink laptop, you ask? Oh, because my boyfriend felt the need to suck up. He’s been very (_fill_in_the_blank_) and with his mother still here…

… mmm hmmm…

I’m almost at my wit’s end about that, but anyhoo, instead of me spending countless dollars to upgrade my old laptop that isn’t even close to being paid off anytime in the next century, my boyfriend bought me a pink laptop. Thus, instead of spending my first free check ever (meaning: absolutely no bills need to come out of it because I’m finally truly paid off, period) on repairing the laptop enough to take to work, I can now just… work. And buy a desk so I don’t have to keep sitting on the floor like I am now.

It also means that I can throw cash toward what I owe for it to make good on the debt, instead of being pissy about paying for a laptop that has been pissy with me for the last ever. YAY! WE LOVE LESS DEBT!!! IT MAKES US HAPPY IN THE PANTZ!

~*grown up dance*~

So while I’ve been working on the desktop (yes, still on the crappy desktop, too) at my second job, I can spend the last 2 days downloading WoW - technically, 12 hours total from download start to the time I was able to actually play the game, but broken up into two days.

I told my coworker today that if I get yelled at one more time for a Menopause reason, I’m walking out. I’m so over it. I devote too much effort to the job that pays me the least and costs me the most ($45+ weekly in gas, plus $5-10 daily in food).

Basically, with that shit and taxes taken out, I’m making about $5.75 an hour.

Yes, I’d love to quit. But I want to save a few paychecks and pay off some debt before I do that. I like the idea that I don’t worry where my money is coming from, because, OH YEAH it’ll be here on Friday.

My boyfriend’s coming over and will be eating me out. OMFG SCOREZ!!!1 Not that it’s been forever since that’s happened, but…. OMFG ITS BEEN FOREVA SINCE DAT HAPPEND!

Baby news: As of 715pm this night, I am still not pregnant. But my brother’s girlfriend still is. Baby’s due on the 27th (his girlfriend: “ohmahgah its fayt cuz yo bruthaz birfday is ON da twennysem! it’s laik Gawd is blessin us” - read: I didn’t just make that up. She REALLY talks like a White Trash Scarlett O’Hara), and she graduates from HIGH SCHOOL on the 15th.

Yes, she’s 17. My brother is 21. *sigh*

So, she decides she’s tired of being pregnant, so she’s getting induced on the 17th. Check it: she graduates the night of the 15th. Checking into the hospital the night of the 16th, and getting induced at 5am on the 17th. Why? “I’m jes so tahrd o’ bein’ dis bi-ug. It’s laik I waaay two hunnerd POWundz, Meeee-uh.”

God. Go back to fucking SCHOOL and learn to goddamn speak. My god. I’m so fucking embarrassed by them.

Oh, and I’m sure her major motivation for inducing would be the fact that she’d live RENT FREE with my mother. Not that my mother doesn’t deserve that, the welcher. But still.

And on top of it all, she’s all “I thank I wont a natrul birf - I dont wanna hurt dat baaay-bee.” Then follows it up with “I’m jes so tahrd o’ bein’ dis bi-ug. It’s laik I waaay two hunnerd POWundz, Meeee-uh.”

I’ll let you think on that, peoples.

So yeah. That’s my life right now. Boyfriends giving me up for mothers, working for a menopausal man, babies making babies. I said goddamn, I need a drink.

Can a CSS/template inclined friend please email me? I need some assistance understanding something I’m having to do for work.

I really do. The songs are awesome, even the Miley remix that’s workin’.

TURN IT UP AND CUBE DANCE, BITCHES!!!

edit: check out what I found!!!

SUCK IT, MANDY AND MILEY!!!!

OH, AND OF LOLO. AND IT IS VERY TRUE RIGHT NOW.

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH RIGHT NOW.

GERRY, BB - CALL ME! PLEASE?!?!

Sure, my boyfriend fucks up alot…

forgets my birthday, valentine’s day, our anniversary…

leaves the country and misses Christmas and new year’s…

Goes AWOL whenever his parents are in town…

Is frequently late for dates…

Will spend countless hours playing WoW and neglects his girlfriend…

But on occasion, when I’m actually allowed to have sex with my boyfriend, it is…

…. okay, it’s so fucking money. Even though he’s self-admittedly NOT Mr. Romantic or Mr. Throw-Me-Down-and-Fuck me or Mr. Dirty Talker, Mr. Mia’s Future Husband can definitely shock my socks off.

I have nothing really to post about except that my boyfriend has officially rocked my world and I cannot fathom how he somehow transformed into this “I’m gonna fuck your cunt so hard - I wanna hear you scream” fuck god extraordinaire.

“Mother hell, I am so goddamn lucky,” said the thoroughly sated blogger.

I decided to start doing the 365366. Why? Because I actually like taking pictures of myself, believe it or not. I get to use my camera skillz acquired when I was a rogue intarweb pr0n* and plus, when I take a great picture of myself, I FEEL great. “Wow, I look awesome!”

Look, I know I’m not gorgeous. I came to terms with my looks some time ago. I mean, I’d love to look like a model with big eyes and plump lips and cheekbones Bowie would die for, but I know it’s not gonna happen without surgery. But when I see a pic like

I think, good god. I have so much character. Who needs to look like Gisele?!?!

You should all read MeFi. Why? Because you stumble onto topics such as “is Yahoo Answers better than AskMetaFilter?”

A typical mocking comment you’ll find on AskMeFi:

Q: how babby is formed?

A: I think, but I cannot be certain, that when a man loves a woman he becomes aroused which causes his penis to become engorged (filled with blood). The man then offers to take the woman out for a light meal (Thai food) and see a local band. They discuss poetry, clothing and the latest American Idol episode. Nine months later, the womans stomach is filled with babee!!

A: LOL!!11 YER GAYZ!!

A: OH MAN U RUBBIN TEH WEINERS ON A LADY,,DUH?!!

And this one is straight up stole’ from Yahoo Answers herself.

ma mate who live jus across the street has 3 rottweilers an evertime a go in his house da dogs are killin each other none have died yet theres a yet a think they are everully cuz they fight all the time he started off with 1 and 3 mounths later added 1 more an then 7 1/2 mounths later got another one he started of 4 years ago and now they start fightin they got introduced about 5 weeks ago and he used ta keep them in the loft he had 4 lofts and 3 dogs they were happy then introduced them they were happy then latly they started kilin them selves he dosn`t know wat ta do any sugestions

Hmmmm. I think I’m gonna have to stick with AskMeFi mocking Yahoo Answers. Because I don’t think my brain can process something as holy FUCKING retarded as what I just read. Here’s some commentary from Pastabagel who makes me feel a little better:

Here’s the question:
Why are people on Yahoo! Answers such illiterate dopes?
Yes, I’m talking to you. Please give me a detailed explanation for the idiocy I see on this site.

Some numbers:
335 questions on this site use the non-word “sumfin”. Sumfin isn’t a word. Do you see an ‘f’ in “something,” or are you blind as well are dumb?

2,022 questions use the phrase “baby daddy”, but zero questions use the phrase “sterilize me”, which is unfortunate.

7,074 questions use “bein” TWICE. I understood after the first “bein” that you’re a dimwit, you didn’t need to repeat it.

59 questions with “she dont know me”. I do. You’re a moron.

409 questions about “dumb bitches” - they’re smarter than you.

376 questions “wit dat” - how about “witless”?

I actually want an answer to my question - why are so many of you too mind-bogglingly stupid to string together an English sentence? Do your keyboards have normal letters on them, or do they just have big colorful buttons with “dey be”, “you dont know me”, and “damn!” written on them?

Thanks for answering. Kisses!

Go check out Marcelle to see the quiz in question!

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night?
Shockingly, we rarely have sex during the day when he has the morning wood factor working. I wish, though. I miss half-awake sex early Saturday mornings.

2. Better Sex Music - Sade or Marvin Gaye?
Blues is best.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Videos?
The naughty home video sitting in my camcorder right now says “uh, we don’t do pics.”

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr Doug Ross or Dr Greg House?
Only if it’s cocky Doug Ross from circa 1914 ER. You know, when the show FIRST came on?

5. Vibrator or Dildo?
I like vibrators that aren’t the standard pink phallus-shape but I also like dildos. My own personal choice is either a Hitachi Magic Wand or a dildo of average size and above-average girl

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?
I love lights off or barely on, only because we always have bright lights on (his choice).

7. Word Preference: Pussy or Cunt?
I like “cunt”. “Pussy” is so overused now.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?
It feels weird getting spanked in a nonsexual moment - like, NOT during sex. I’m usually thinking, “…….. okaaaaaaaay……… ow……… are we done yet?” Does nothing for me sexually, I’m afraid. HOWEVER, during a good pounding, spanking is always nice.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Aeroplane?
Elevator, I think. It would be a first for me.

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?
I’m in the same boat as Marcelle - “tiny” pussy, so anything longer than average hurts like hell. So I need average with a bit of girth or I incur tearing. Fun stuff.

11. Word Preference? Cock or dick?
Depends on what sounds better in the sentence being said.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?
Vintage Jenna - before she became a corporate whore.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?
I’d be up for either or - but only if when I need to be let go, I don’t get that stupid teasing bullshit. “are you sure you want me to untie you?” YES MOTHER FUCKER DO IT OR ILL BITE YOUR DAMN DICK OFF

14. Give Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?
Anal sex is a ways off for me - I still have yet to receive sex on a regular basis. But some playing back there is always encouraged.

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?
Skanky bar. Dancing in heels to “Thunderstruck”? AWESOME.

16. Which Threesome - Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?
The one that means I’m sandwiched between Gerard Butler and a Straight Hugh Jackman. Duh?

17. Flavoured Oil or Tingling Oil?
Not into flavors, as long as there’s a lack thereof - I like the way my boyfriend’s skin tastes, and I don’t like detracting from that.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?
Pearls are nice, either necklace or belt, actually. Swallowing is good, too.

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex With a Stranger?
Those are my only two choices? Then I pick sex while a stranger watches.

20. Tied to the Bed or to a St Andrew’s Cross?
Bed, plez.

From NSM who stole it from bev because I need something unworkish to work on:

Where is your mobile phone? floor.
Your significant other? assho- there.
Your hair? Reddish.
Your mother? Succubus.
Your father? White-trash.
Your favorite thing? Water!
Your dream last night? ???
Your favorite drink? Waterish.
Your dream/goal? Millionairess.
The room you’re in? Living.
Your ex? Submissive.
Your fear? Penniless.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Dunno.
Where were you last night? Buttasstired.
What you’re not? Patient.
Muffins? Ew.
One of your wish list items? Spa-day.
Where you grew up? Texas.
The last thing you did? Movie.
What are you wearing? clamdiggers.
Your TV? on.
Your pets? Menagerie.
Your computer? Old.
Your life? Normal.
Your mood? Eh.
Missing someone? Gerry.
Your car? MINE!
Something you’re not wearing? jewelry.
Favorite Store? ebay.
Your summer? OMFG!
Like someone? usually.
Your favorite color? hazelish.
When is the last time you laughed? Today.
Last time you cried? Female.

Because of the bullshit I listed in the previous email, I’m looking to rent a house.

And here’s my logic on that:

I have SHIT credit. Like, the worst ever. Like, terribad. But as horrible as it is, I have never been late on my rent ONCE. EVER. I will let everything get shut off in order to pay rent if I have to - because I was convinced that as long as my rental credit is good, I’m good as far as apartments go.

And here’s what I’ve learned: it’s fucking bullshit. No one cares that you pay your rent on the first every month and you’re never, ever, ever, EVER late. No one cares. With my perfect rental history, I STILL had to put down a double deposit on this place to get it. “Your rental history only matters because it shows you’ve rented before and you didn’t get evicted from your last place.”

ORLY?

I’ve gotten numerous inspections - luckily, I’m able to hide the meth lab every time - and I’ve found out that I’m going to be paying numerous fees. Pet fee, trash fee, carport fee, water fee… very big bunch of cockamamie.

And on top of all of this, I’m having to not only take my pets to Rynie’s every day i THINK i’m getting inspected, but my kids don’t have a backyard to run around in. And that’s really what worries me. I want them to be happy and healthy. While they are okay in this apartment, I don’t get to spend a lot of time playing with them now because of the second job. So I think that if I can afford a backyard, they should get one.

And I CAN afford it, what with me working two jobs. So hence me trying to get something better.

Here goes: I think I found something. Like, cute. And affordable. A house, I mean. It’ll cost me about $50 more a month, but I’d get two extra rooms, a garage, a backyard and FREEDOM. I’m so excited. I put an application down and I’ll know in a couple of days if I’m approved.

So. Me saying I’ll never move again? Apparently, I lied.

If you’re new, I work 80 hours a week. Part of that time is spent at a damage restoration company - feeling my lungs turn black from all the smoking that my coworkers do, getting yelled at, answering phones, wondering why Tech A isn’t at Jobsite B and listening to Client C bitch about how “I’m” such a horrible person because the pet stains didn’t come out…

(have you noticed how ironic it is that I work for, essentially, a cleaning company and my bosses smoke in the office?)

The other half of my time is spent working for a WoW website from my own home.

24 hrs in a day, 7 days in a week = 168 hrs in a week

40 hours in a week for Smoking Job = 128 hrs left

Travel time to Smoking Job = 122 hrs left

40 hours in a week for WoW Job = 82 hrs left

Sleep @ 7 hrs a day = 47 hrs left

Meals @ 90 minutes a day = roughly 36 hours left

Time spent getting ready for work @ 90 minutes a day = roughly 25 hours left

25 hours left divided by 7 days = 3.5 hours left per day, that has to be divided up with grocery shopping, getting gas and any time transitioning between tasks that hasn’t been properly allotted for. And I don’t even have enough time or energy to even blog anymore.

Now, this whole plan is based on averages. What REALLY happens?

Monday through Friday:
Wake up at 6am
Get ready for work
Leave by 720am
Get to work by 750am
Leave work at 5pm
Get home at 530pm
Start work for 2nd job immediately
Make dinner at 6pm
Finish dinner by 630pm
Work until 10pm
Do pilates from 10 to 1030pm
Be in bed by 11pm.

Saturday and Sunday:
Wake up at 8am
Do household chores
Clock in for second job by noon
Work until midnight
Be in bed by 1230am

No breaks. Breaks mean less money. I should even be working now but I have to run errands and get the dogs to Rynie’s so my apartment community can do yet another inspection on my apartment. I’m so sick of this place. There’s no cabinets or shelves in the areas that need it. The carpet, if not vacuumed every day, looks old and dirty. And then there’s the inspections. One after another after another. And the pets can’t be in the apartment when they do it, so on top of that Monday through Friday schedule, I have to leave 15 minutes early so I can take the pets to Rynie’s house. And they totally nickel and dime me. Trash fee, water fee, pet fee. Why do I have to pay a TRASH FEE? are you coming to my apartment to pick up the trash? No? Okay, so you’re going down to the compactor and making sure it’s compacted enough for me to put my bags inside. Right? No? Then what the SHIT am I paying for?

Ugh. I have no time and no money. I feel so disjointed.

Riddle me this:

I have a laptop with Photoshop CS on it that stays powered for about 10 minutes or until overheated, whichever comes first.

I have a desktop with Photoshop 7.0 that cannot boot up because it needs a power supply but normally doesn’t have an issue booting up or staying on KNOCK ON FUCKING WOOD.

I have another desktop without any Photoshoppage of any kind on it that stays powered up until about 3 minutes from now.

My dilemma? I WANT TO DESIGN CRAP IN PHOTOSHOP AND I CANT! I NEED TO WORK IN PHOTOSHOP AND I CAN’T!

omfg.

Oh, in other news, the POS moving company that kicked my stuff out of their truck is giving me $200, all of which will be used to pay bills, buy a power supply and buy some fucking awesome bacon. SCORE MUTHA FUCKA SCORE!

Oh, and also? My boyfriend just sent me quite possibly the dirtiest email I’ve ever read. And I’ve jerked it, like, four times already. And I’m going to do it again. Jelis? I hope so. Here’s an excerpt, with the goodies taken out:

I want your _____ on my ________ and I can’t wait to _______ your _________.

It’s like MadLibs. But better.

My car - the one I’ve had for not even three weeks - has a scratch on it. I might kill someone. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I am. omfg. Rifle, please.